Research shows that gratitude is among the most powerful of emotions to help us thrive. Unfortunately, we tend to think too much about what goes wrong and not enough about what goes right in our lives. While it makes sense to analyze bad events so that we learn from them and avoid them in the future, spending too much time thinking about what is bad in life sets us up for anxiety and depression. What makes it more difficult to focus on what’s working in our lives, our brains are primed to find and analyze bad events as a matter of evolutionary survival. To overcome our natural tendencies to find and focus on the bad events in life, we need to work on and practice the skill of thinking about what went well.
What Went Well Exercise
At the end of the day before bed, try writing down three things that went well that day and why they went well. The things that went well for you can be as simple as you finished a project at work, had a favorite sandwich at lunch or you enjoyed a good laugh. It is important to have a physical record of what you wrote in a paper or electronic journal. Next to each positive event, be sure to answer the question, “Why did this happen?” (Exercise from Martin Seligman’s book Flourish.)
Try the exercise for one week and see how it impacts how you look at the world. In research, individuals who did this exercise for one week and who suffered from depression, found that their depression lifted. Over 90% of all participants were less depressed and happier.
“Recovering Pessimist” Story
I had the pleasure of sharing this exercise with a group of life and leadership coaches in January and again in June at a Capital Coaches Conference in the DC area. One of the coaches shared that she did this exercise for 3 months including why the good things happened in her life. She said that it really shifted what she noticed in the world and she now calls herself a “recovering pessimist.” The “Why it Happens” part of the exercise is important as you will begin to notice that your actions influence your outcomes and that your life isn’t ruled by a cruel fate. You have control over and can positively impact your life.
If you try the exercise, I would be delighted if you would send me an email letting me
know how it impacts your life and your ability to thrive!